Sunday, September 23, 2012


Are there any good sentences with the word 'should' in them?
    " You should have known that I was not going to be there."
"Seems like you should be happy since I did what you asked."
     "I should have given her more time."
"You kids should not be watching that tv show."
     "I should have known better."

I can't come up with one.  There probably are times, but in general, I think 'should' should be left out of conversations.  Especially if you are saying it to someone else (not to yourself).  As soon as I hear the word 'should' come out of someone's mouth all I can think is "Whether I should or shouldn't, this is how I actually AM feeling."  It feels like judgement to me.  So when I find myself using it with my kids "You should be happy we have any dinner at all." I try to rephrase it.  Because no matter how true, if you annoy people in the process you are never going to get your point across.  And with my spouse, it is even worse idea.  I have been conscious of this long enough now, that when I do throw a 'should' into a discussion it is usually purposeful and meant to annoy.  It is good isn't it, when we can not just complain about other people's habits that drive us crazy, but actually learn from them?  Turn the flashlight on yourself when you are feeling annoyed and ask yourself "Do I do that?"  You don't have to admit it out loud in public or to your kids, but to notice this is a step towards self-aware behavior, which is good for everyone who crosses your path.

Try it this week.  "Do I do that?" Hmmm......


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