Monday, November 09, 2015

Partnering with the Creator

I tried a new yoga class last weekend.  It was not yoga for exercise, which I did for several years in the past,  but instead about two hours of relaxation, breathing, stretching, breathing, with 'ohms' and the full ceremony.  I enjoyed it very much.  The last five minutes or so was just focusing on stillness and consciously listening. 

I left this very nurturing atmosphere with this message "I want to live life intentionally, and stop letting life happen to me."

I was impressed with this message.  I bonded with it and felt it was exactly what I needed.  I thanked God for giving me this thought.  And then, of course, I tried to put it into practice.  Since last Saturday:
  1. We all got sick
  2. The dog turned out to have a terrible case of fleas (even though on Sentinel all year round)
  3. Our rug shampooer broke three times while my living room was half wet and half dry.
  4. I cracked a major molar within 24 hours of getting a clean bill of health at the dentist.
  5. I was stuck with an emergency crown procedure. $$
  6. I got sicker
  7. I was too sick to go to the concert I had been looking forward to for weeks.
  8. I was too sick to go on the shopping/bus trip I had been looking forward to for weeks.
Talk about not letting life 'happen' to you.  Geez.  How is this helpful?  Is God trying to tell me that I don't get to make decisions like this?  That He is in control?   

I'm trying to decide--was my goal the wrong goal?  Were the obstacles placed in my path to see how tough I am? Here is my conclusion:  I had a great goal and then I got sick and broke a tooth.  I am not going to question my intention. I am not going to question God.  I'm going to say, whether I'm living intentionally or not, life continues to happen.  It doesn't stop, just because I want to call the shots.  I'm going to have to be in both.  I will try every day to do some things that mean something to me, whether it is organize the bills, sweep the front walk, or write a short story.  It doesn't matter, how big or insignificant to others, as long as it is something with meaning to me.

However my message needs a slight change in wording.  I realize, like it or not, it has to be "I need to live intentionally while life happens to me."

And so, surprise, surprise, I learn once again that I am not in control of everything, and never will be.  I need to make peace with that, and be in control five minutes a day.  Or five times a day.  Or even just right here, when I decide which word to place next in this sentence.  Here I am, creating my reality.