Are there any good sentences with the word 'should' in them?
" You should have known that I was not going to be there."
"Seems like you should be happy since I did what you asked."
"I should have given her more time."
"You kids should not be watching that tv show."
"I should have known better."
I can't come up with one. There probably are times, but in general, I think 'should' should be left out of conversations. Especially if you are saying it to someone else (not to yourself). As soon as I hear the word 'should' come out of someone's mouth all I can think is "Whether I should or shouldn't, this is how I actually AM feeling." It feels like judgement to me. So when I find myself using it with my kids "You should be happy we have any dinner at all." I try to rephrase it. Because no matter how true, if you annoy people in the process you are never going to get your point across. And with my spouse, it is even worse idea. I have been conscious of this long enough now, that when I do throw a 'should' into a discussion it is usually purposeful and meant to annoy. It is good isn't it, when we can not just complain about other people's habits that drive us crazy, but actually learn from them? Turn the flashlight on yourself when you are feeling annoyed and ask yourself "Do I do that?" You don't have to admit it out loud in public or to your kids, but to notice this is a step towards self-aware behavior, which is good for everyone who crosses your path.
Try it this week. "Do I do that?" Hmmm......
Blessings,
Toni
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Saturday, September 08, 2012
Things that make me happy
Started this list after reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin for my book club this month. I noticed the other day (can't get anything by me) that I can go back and edit old posts. So I'm going to start a list on here of things that make me happy, and when I think of more, I'll add to the list. My goal is to eventually reach 111 things.
9/8/12
9/8/12
- White curtains blowing in the breeze
- making lists
- cooking soup on the first cool day of the year
- a clean house
- orange rolls, dillon cookies, and Frona's brownies
- Gull Lake Family Camp
- when something awesome happens to someone I know
- browsing in a book store
- sitting alone in silence
- driving down a road I've never been down before
- buying new shoes or a new purse
- getting a massage (duh)
- re-reading a favorite book
- writing in my blog
- clean sheets on the bed with a temp that includes open windows
- Dark Chocolate Reeses peanut butter cups
- Weddings
- planning a vacation itinerary
- Beth Moore
- Thinking
- Writing
- A day with no plans and no obligations
- picking apples at the apple orchard
- cutting down a Christmas tree at the tree farm
- baking Christmas cookies with my kids
- losing a few pounds
- a very hot pounding shower
- swinging on the porch swing
- sitting around a campfire (no camping, just fire)
- watching a movie at home with family, popcorn, lights down low
- when prayers are answered
- when someone new joins our church
- praying with friends and having friends who pray
- afghan, rainy day, good book
- thunderstorms during the daytime
- crunching leaves underfoot
- driving around to see christmas lights
- first day of school photos on facebook
- the smell of pumpkin bread baking
- IKEA
- putting on pajamas. getting new pj's. buying the kids pj's.
- (9/23/12)... Award shows like the Emmy Awards
- Sweater weather when it is not yet mitten weather
- Project Runway (sorry, love the creative process)
- Having all the dishes done at the same time (ditto on laundry, if that ever happens)
- losing myself in live music
- Tuesday night bible study
- my book club
- my library. All libraries.
- Shopping on the day after Christmas and staying home on the day after Thanksgiving.
- My morning walk with Sue
- Seeing the progress my husband has made at the flip house
- designing/buying/planting my garden (not weeding though)
- blank journals, new calendars, a great pen, Staples in general
- Pumpkin spice Yankee candles
- Little tiny trick-or-treaters at my door (we get 500-600)
- Japanese Iris, hyndrangea, and periwinkle
- 10/14/12..cont'd...breaking soil up with my hands
- having a 1 minute drive to work
- Laughing with old friends
- anticipation
- God moments or "coincidences" as some call 'em
- late summer afternoons with my feet in the water
- looking up
- yoga
- Trying new recipes for dinner
- hearing a tough vocab word come out of one of my kids' mouths
- resale shops
- the dog right after her bath
- watching old home movies
- Ice skating
- the previews at the movie theater (anticipation, again)
- the rainbows on the wall made by my 114 year old cut glass living room window
- going to bed early and sleeping late
- getting a handwritten letter in the mail
- reading blogs of my favorite authors
- feeling really lucky that I married who I did
- Anne of Green Gables (PBS version), original episode
- shooting stars, starry skies
- a trunk full of shopping bags (sad but true!)
- a good reason to build a new spreadsheet in Excel, my friend Excel
- Peoria Art Guild fall art fair
- 1/5/13....Birthdays
- Blowing out candles on a cake
- Chicken Scampi at Olive Garden
- Eating breakfast out
- Les Miserables now that I understand it better
- My Kindle
- New Years Resolution time
- A really good book title
- Snowflakes, snowmen (real ones), snow angels
- Reading a book that makes me laugh out loud
- Being sad at the end of a book because it was so good and I don't want it to end (have I already mentioned books here?....)
- Taking pictures
- WCIC 91.5
- Wrapping presents
- Change
- Buying original artwork while on vacation
- The Great Smokey Mountains
- Fort Morgan beach
- Christmas windows at Marshall Fields (ahem) on State
- Maurie's frogs
- A day off work with no special reason
- Broadway-type Musicals
- McNaughton park, Northern Lights, Western Tree
- Reconnecting with someone I haven't heard from in years (thank you Facebook)
- Crossing things off of lists
- Planning events (showers, parties, etc)
- Really deep breaths
- Having something to look forward to
Friday, September 07, 2012
Thinking Bee
I have a day off work and today I am devoting it to thinking. God has assisted my plan by providing a lovely thundershower with steady rain. I am alone in my house, something that happens about as often as an eclipse. And when given several options for how to fill my day I decided I would think. I would turn off the television (check) and try to avoid facebook and email (there's still time to achieve that one today) and think.
Thinking is highly underrated. I'm pretty good at it. Maybe not Olympic caliber but I could win the county Thinking Bee. A Thinking Bee, can't you just picture it? Yum.
I am in the moment, grateful for peace of mind. Enjoying my thoughts.
Think about yesterday -- my last day of working at the same company for 16 years. Many goodbyes. Thinking about Monday -- the first day at a new job. Thinking about my husband and each of my kids and where they are in life right now, and praying for any pockets of worry that I have for each of them. But mostly just thinking about random thoughts like silence, and daydreams, and how great porch swings are. Just thinking about thinking is giving me endorphins to last the weekend.
I am in the moment, grateful for peace of mind. Enjoying my thoughts.
Saturday, September 01, 2012
Year gone by
"A year has gone by since I posted." Sadly I have typed those words before in this blog. It means I've lost my thread. Again. Writing is my desired vocation but I have continued to allow life to overpower that desire. Sometimes life needed the leading role, and sometimes it didn't.
Interesting the last post was Labor Day weekend and here it is again, Labor Day weekend one year later. September is the new year to me. The time to start new habits and try new things. Time for change.
In my day job I am starting with a new employer next week. After 16 years with one company, I took the plunge into new-job-hood. My motivation to make this change is not for the usual career advancement -- more money, more status, more responsibility, more importance. Instead it is a move toward a simpler life, closer to home (five blocks from my house to be exact), a much smaller company, a hometown company. I don't know yet if I will be successful but I know this change will allow for new experiences, something I crave in my cells.
Among the many reasons I have given to others for the job change, one I haven't mentioned out loud is a small hope that it will allow more time for my writing. For actually writing something. For typing words on a blank screen or writing letters on a yellow legal pad. For writing. As reasons go, it is a pretty darn good one.
So many things have happened since my last post. And if I don't get some self-discipline, my next post will be a year from now. And even though lovely life full of stress and joy will happen whether I write or not, I want this year to be different. Praying for some discoveries on how I can be more self-disciplined.
Toni
Interesting the last post was Labor Day weekend and here it is again, Labor Day weekend one year later. September is the new year to me. The time to start new habits and try new things. Time for change.
In my day job I am starting with a new employer next week. After 16 years with one company, I took the plunge into new-job-hood. My motivation to make this change is not for the usual career advancement -- more money, more status, more responsibility, more importance. Instead it is a move toward a simpler life, closer to home (five blocks from my house to be exact), a much smaller company, a hometown company. I don't know yet if I will be successful but I know this change will allow for new experiences, something I crave in my cells.
Among the many reasons I have given to others for the job change, one I haven't mentioned out loud is a small hope that it will allow more time for my writing. For actually writing something. For typing words on a blank screen or writing letters on a yellow legal pad. For writing. As reasons go, it is a pretty darn good one.
So many things have happened since my last post. And if I don't get some self-discipline, my next post will be a year from now. And even though lovely life full of stress and joy will happen whether I write or not, I want this year to be different. Praying for some discoveries on how I can be more self-disciplined.
Toni
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