The first week
Even normal things aren't normal. Everything feels like I am part of a movie script, one where something unpleasant is about to happen to the characters. Every glance, every movement, looking for clues as to where the trouble is. Even routine things like taking out the trash feel heightened, to have some deeper meaning, but I don't know what that meaning is. I'm waiting. Is my throat sore? I'm sure I caught it traveling.
The first month
The first month for me was mid-March to mid-April 2020. A kind of haze seemed to surround things. I spent a lot of time obsessing over news channels on my phone, reading scientific articles, trying to become as educated as possible. Uncertainty is the flavor of the month and it doesn't taste great. I heard about the COVID-19 malaise and I thought, even without contracting this virus, I have the malaise. Lethargy set in. I binge-watched The Good Doctor, New Amsterdam, 9-1-1, Doc Martin, and many others that now escape my memory. I appreciate laughter so much. Being stuck in one small space together is not easy. But each time I hear the laughter this month, I think 'Is this the last time?' It feels like the world is going to reach our front porch any moment.
Some silver linings to this time in-between
I notice the flowers in my yard, innocently blooming, unaware the world has taken a 180 degree turn.
My morning cup of coffee means a lot to me. Another day with no one sick in the house. A marker in the days that flow together. Will tomorrow bring illness?
The girls dusted off and set up the Wii and we dug out old CDs of Just Dance. It has been a blessing. We've played card games, the four of us in my circle of germ-sharing. Dutch Blitz, Ticket to Ride, Just One. Four 1000 piece puzzles in that first month while the cold and rain and wind and snow continued.
For my birthday in January I got a sewing machine from the kids, and I got it out for its inaugural run to sew face masks for my family. We tried out phone apps like 'Houseparty' and had better luck with 'Marco Polo'. We talked about teaching ourselves to play the piano (hasn't happened yet, but hey). I study the 1918 flu pandemic and learn the word vaccine didn't exist for the average person.
The second month
I feel like I took a deep breath and noticed my surroundings. We are all here. We have a grandchild coming. We did not have a traditional Easter but it is ok, not to have everyone together. So much better than ok. I start feeling like so many novels I've read about WWII. The victory gardens, the rationing, the black-out curtains, the obedience for a higher good than my own self-fulfillment. My perspective turns, I realize this is a truly historical period, that will be referred to just as often as September 11th or other moments that humanity shares. Everyone in my family is united in treating this 'stay at home' order with solemnity. And in getting through it together.
People talk about this being a time of mourning and it is. It is so many things. I try not to mourn superficial things like my gray hair that has grown out without my hairdresser. But I do mourn that spring break trip Anna had to cancel and the baby shower we can't perceive of holding any time this year and feeling good about it.
So it turns out for me, quarantine is about having so many feelings, all in the same 24 hours. I get depressed, I get annoyed, I get angry, I get sad, I get excited, I get a nap (yay), I get anxious, exhausted from overtime at work, tired of my pajamas, started watching the evening news again. I'm not a worrier at heart, but so far this quarantine has felt a LOT like a movie script and I want to be one step ahead of the scriptwriter. I want to be prepared. That involves a lot of pseudo-worrying.
Here are some pictures of this time period that I want to save here. What Quarantine 2020 was like for me, in pictures.
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| Remember how the whole world put hearts in their windows? To recognize the nurses and doctors, the EMTs and police and fire. The postmen and UPS delivery women, and everyone else who kept working, so we could #staysafeathome ? |
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| Remember that year all salons were closed, and your gray hair grew out. But there was no one at home who minded? These pictures were both taken the same day. My gray isn't visible at my hair line :) Who knew. |
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| Nature doesn't know it is a strange year, 2020. Nature just goes right along. |
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| Easter morning worshiping through YouTube. Anna's first attempt at homemade croissant. |
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| Visiting the grandparents from six feet away. |
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| Farm n Fleet parking lot for our safe-distance visit with Chris and Jenny. She is 33 weeks along here. |
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| We celebrated two birthdays 'in lockdown' as they say, so far. Julia's 21st and Anna's 25th. |
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| A social distancing approved virtual baby shower for Baby Evans. He is due June 2. |
At the root of this it is all about the dying. We've passed the 3 million mark for Covid-19 cases in the world and the 60,000 mark for U.S. deaths at the time I'm posting this. Everyone is talking about how it is more deaths than the entire Vietnam war. Lord, hear my prayer, that your will for us is to be past the worst of this crisis and able to move on to whatever is next. Give us patience.
I've been witnessing the worst and the best in human nature. It is like a magnifying glass has been placed over our characters, and all those quotes I'm so fond of, they are all revealing their truths. How you act when you don't have to is just as important as how you act when you do have to. Character is revealed under pressure. The bad news is out there and I'm a better person for having read it. Even if less naive and sadder. The good news is also out there and I'm a better person for finding it and reading it all. Such a feeling of a common purpose, the world, trying to save themselves but also trying to save their fellow-human-beings. Worthy. We are worthy.
