Quarantine 2020

Notes from the quarantine we are in for Novel Coronovirus/Covid-19 worldwide Pandemic.

The first week
Even normal things aren't normal.  Everything feels like I am part of a movie script, one where something unpleasant is about to happen to the characters.  Every glance, every movement, looking for clues as to where the trouble is.  Even routine things like taking out the trash feel heightened, to have some deeper meaning, but I don't know what that meaning is.  I'm waiting.  Is my throat sore? I'm sure I caught it traveling.

The first month
The first month for me was mid-March to mid-April 2020.  A kind of haze seemed to surround things.  I spent a lot of time obsessing over news channels on my phone, reading scientific articles, trying to become as educated as possible.  Uncertainty is the flavor of the month and it doesn't taste great.  I heard about the COVID-19 malaise and I thought, even without contracting this virus, I have the malaise.  Lethargy set in.  I binge-watched The Good Doctor, New Amsterdam, 9-1-1, Doc Martin, and many others that now escape my memory.  I appreciate laughter so much.  Being stuck in one small space together is not easy.  But each time I hear the laughter this month, I think 'Is this the last time?'  It feels like the world is going to reach our front porch any moment.

Some silver linings to this time in-between
I notice the flowers in my yard, innocently blooming, unaware the world has taken a 180 degree turn.

My morning cup of coffee means a lot to me.  Another day with no one sick in the house.  A marker in the days that flow together. Will tomorrow bring illness?

The girls dusted off and set up the Wii and we dug out old CDs of Just Dance.  It has been a blessing.  We've played card games, the four of us in my circle of germ-sharing. Dutch Blitz, Ticket to Ride, Just One.  Four 1000 piece puzzles in that first month while the cold and rain and wind and snow continued.

For my birthday in January I got a sewing machine from the kids, and I got it out for its inaugural run to sew face masks for my family.  We tried out phone apps like 'Houseparty' and had better luck with 'Marco Polo'. We talked about teaching ourselves to play the piano (hasn't happened yet, but hey).  I study the 1918 flu pandemic and learn the word vaccine didn't exist for the average person.

The second month
I feel like I took a deep breath and noticed my surroundings.  We are all here.  We have a grandchild coming.  We did not have a traditional Easter but it is ok, not to have everyone together. So much better than ok.  I start feeling like so many novels I've read about WWII.  The victory gardens, the rationing, the black-out curtains, the obedience for a higher good than my own self-fulfillment.  My perspective turns, I realize this is a truly historical period, that will be referred to just as often as September 11th or other moments that humanity shares.  Everyone in my family is united in treating this 'stay at home' order with solemnity.  And in getting through it together. 

People talk about this being a time of mourning and it is.  It is so many things.  I try not to mourn superficial things like my gray hair that has grown out without my hairdresser.  But I do mourn that spring break trip Anna had to cancel and the baby shower we can't perceive of holding any time this year and feeling good about it.

So it turns out for me, quarantine is about having so many feelings, all in the same 24 hours.  I get depressed, I get annoyed, I get angry, I get sad, I get excited, I get a nap (yay), I get anxious, exhausted from overtime at work, tired of my pajamas, started watching the evening news again.  I'm not a worrier at heart, but so far this quarantine has felt a LOT like a movie script and I want to be one step ahead of the scriptwriter.  I want to be prepared.  That involves a lot of pseudo-worrying.

Here are some pictures of this time period that I want to save here.  What Quarantine 2020 was like for me, in pictures.

Remember how the whole world put hearts in their windows?  To recognize the nurses and doctors, the EMTs and police and fire.  The postmen and UPS delivery women, and everyone else who kept working, so we could #staysafeathome ?

Remember that year all salons were closed, and your gray hair grew out.  But there was no one at home who minded?  These pictures were both taken the same day.  My gray isn't visible at my hair line :)  Who knew. 

Nature doesn't know it is a strange year, 2020.  Nature just goes right along. 

Easter morning worshiping through YouTube.  Anna's first attempt at homemade croissant.

Visiting the grandparents from six feet away. 

Farm n Fleet parking lot for our safe-distance visit with Chris and Jenny.  She is 33 weeks along here.

We celebrated two birthdays 'in lockdown' as they say,  so far.  Julia's 21st and Anna's 25th.

A social distancing approved virtual baby shower for Baby Evans.  He is due June 2.  

Future self, these are all things that have really happened in March and April of 2020.  Restaurants (drive-thru only), bars, malls, non-essential stores have all closed.  Everyone is wearing a face mask in public and staying at least six feet from all other humans.  School has been closed since March 16.  A ten week-long 'snow day'.  After fighting so hard for years to get one 'work from home day' a week we now have 100% work from home at my employer.  Not everyone is finding it to their liking.  Zoom book club.  Toilet paper shortages.  Hand sanitizer at a premium. Lots of good memes. Porch drop and runs. Cruise ships.  Air Pollution disappeared.  Millions have been laid off or unemployed.  I can't go to the eye doctor or the dentist. I've had poison ivy for two weeks, driving me insane. No yoga, no hair salons are open.  There is an election in six months and no election campaign commercials. I wonder if a year from now, or ten years from now, any of us will believe this all really happened?

At the root of this it is all about the dying.  We've passed the 3 million mark for Covid-19 cases in the world and  the 60,000 mark for U.S. deaths at the time I'm posting this.  Everyone is talking about how it is more deaths than the entire Vietnam war. Lord, hear my prayer, that your will for us is to be past the worst of this crisis and able to move on to whatever is next. Give us patience.

I've been witnessing the worst and the best in human nature.  It is like a magnifying glass has been placed over our characters, and all those quotes I'm so fond of, they are all revealing their truths.  How you act when you don't have to is just as important as how you act when you do have to. Character is revealed under pressure.   The bad news is out there and I'm a better person for having read it. Even if less naive and sadder.   The good news is also out there and I'm a better person for finding it and reading it all.  Such a feeling of a common purpose, the world, trying to save themselves but also trying to save their fellow-human-beings.  Worthy.  We are worthy.

Mother of the Bride Impressions -- Part TWO

Afterwards

                           
Boy do my feet ache.  And my ankles, wrists, ears and pinky toes.  Weddings are physically exhausting. So many many thoughts.   Quite different than Mother of the Groom.  I would compare it to the difference in attending a commencement ceremony for your child (MOG).  Happy, smiles, lots of pride.  To holding the graduation party for 200 at your own home.  Responsible, brain-draining, expensive (ha) and cheerfully chaotic (MOB).  It is as 'hands on' as anything gets. 

Advice for future Mothers of the Bride: Get yourself two 'matrons of honor' for yourself.  Two more people who aren't brain-fuzzy from all the excitement and willing to run out for forks, run upstairs for the scissors, text the person lost in the country, thank the hairdresser when you forget, keep an eye on the time, trim the shaggy chiffon three times if necessary.  Someone to remember to confirm the nail appointment, figure out which nearby florist has baby's breath, and not order twice as much pizza as we need.  Someone who will know at all times 'Where is the father of the bride?'  'Where did the bridesmaids go?'  'Did the photographer get a pic yet with grandma and grandpa?'  'Where is the food?  Where is the saran wrap/the veil/the salsa?   Because me, I wanted to just sit and observe, and soak in all the happenings.  Of course I did, lots and lots, but I also felt like two more me's would have been so useful!

Funny (?...?) things that happened on the wind up to the wedding:

• Flowers. The flower delivery was scheduled for Wednesday morning.  The flowers were delivered but only the lilies showed up.  Thurs: the flowers didn't show up, long wait, finally an email that the plane didn't land.  Thurs 5pm: neighbor comes home from work and brings the flowers that were delivered to his porch and sat there all day.  blah. Still missing the hydrangeas (they came Friday, its all good)
• Directions. North main, south main, construction, CR 17 to CR 20 to old CR 17 to ???  Two chapels on campus?  Phone died?  Cakes are 45 minutes in the opposite direction of where you are? Father of the bride is 12 miles to empty and is lost in the country?  An hour before we leave for the church? Thank you Lord for Google Maps and the kindness of strangers.  Send all people in twos!
• Steaming.  Not really a mishap, but if purchasing the tablecloths is half the price of renting them, assume 20 minutes per table cloth to steam out the wrinkles.  Let's see, 30 table cloths x 20 minutes each = 600 minutes or 6 hours.  With breaks, the two steamers we had running out of water every 9 minutes, heat up time, switching peeps, it was about 10 hours on Friday.  
• Weather.  I knew this from Chris' wedding but all of these weather predictions are for May 18, 2019, for many days leading up to the big day.  We were planning an outdoor wedding in the back of a huge field of grass.  We needed a dry day.  It snowed two inches four weeks earlier.  We didn't know what to think but it ended up sunny and high of 85 degrees on this date.  I'll take it!

                                

• Random: the father of the bride's phone rang during the ceremony.  He was too rattled to figure out how to turn it off.  The silver bells we had tied two-hundred bows onto were nowhere to be found for the send-off moment (we just clapped and cheered).  They were in the groomsmen's dressing room it turned out.  I brought earrings.  One from each of the two pairs I had for the occasion, not matching.  I didn't wear earrings (gasp).

Things that went pleasingly well:

• Having too big of a house is never a bad thing!  Having a large whirlpool tub in the bathroom of the parents' master suite averts some muscle pain. Our airbnb saved the day many times. 
• Chuck and I (and my sister) shopping for cake plates for the centerpieces at goodwills and estate sales was a sweet way to anticipate the coming wedding. 
• Cake in the middle of each table meant no long line and fresh slices for everyone in just the size they wanted. 

                                     

• Having family come a few days early so we could eat pizza and watch the swans on the lake who we named 'Nat and Lily' and laugh together at Jim Gaffigan videos before the tension and nerves of the final day set in? Priceless. 
• If you can arrange a nice gentle breeze like we had it makes the bridesmaids dresses and the veil look pretty magical. Just sayin'
• Daughter things: Watching your youngest do her oldest sisters' makeup and it coming out perfectly. An amazing scrapbook Anna and Julia designed with pics of the five months and letters from special women in Lily's life to read on her wedding day and afterwards. Signs all hand-lettered by the artist-daughter.  Short-bread baked with love by Anna. 556 shortbread cookies to be specific :).  And two other desserts baked by Nat's sisters!

                            

• Bride and groom things: Having a daughter-bride with great imagination and event-planning skills and an eye for details made everything go better than expected. She was so patient with all of us. I think I kind of like her :)  Having a groom with such a sense of humor to lighten the mood and to calm everyone's worries, especially his bride-to-be. Good guy, that Nat. 
• Friends and Family things: a wedding is very different when you are hosting than all those weddings you've attended.  Having family and friends fly in from Texas, San Francisco, drive from four and five hours away, my friends Leslie and Sean with six kids on board drove from Iowa, that all touched my heart.  I'm going to try to remember it next time I get one of those pesky wedding invitations, lol. 
• New in-laws things: they welcomed us to their church and their family.  Their hospitality was genuine.  And they stayed long after the party to cleanup as church had to be held in that room the next morning.  They let me leave behind catered food that would feed dozens (we had a lot of leftover food), 15 or so 'half cakes' and even 30 dirty table cloths.  They work so well as a team!
• Son and daughter-in-law things: Jenny and Chris did the work of 12 x-men.  They were on everything.  From Chris driving up for the bachelor party to them both doing a majority of that 10 hours of steaming, to picking up the cakes (sounds innocent, not).  That is 22 cakes in separate boxes, across 20 miles of bumps and turns on ten different roads.  Then transferring them inside the church and onto the cake plates.  Talk about walking a tight rope!  This plus they did literally 5 dozen other tasks.  

                                           

• Husband things: watching him tear-up, watching him dance with his daughter, watching him walk her up the aisle, it was all just like in the movies, for once in my life (ha).  He worked way harder than me as always.  Such a great guy, Lily's dad. 
• Most importantly, all the things that didn't go as planned, that weren't quite as picturesque, weren't exactly on point or lined up or on time?  No one knows!  The guests don't know, the photographers don't know.  To everyone else it appears it all went as planned so no worries. 
• God things: the breeze, the very funny pastor Luis (Nat's oldest brother), the lilies of the valley that only bloom one week of the year, in full bloom, the guests and bridal party traveling from far away, the love and kindness in the air, a special moment, the group prayer. Of course, every little thing comes from above. 

                           
I thought I was seriously looking forward to the day after the wedding because of all the drama, tears, tensions, worries, details, details, details but instead I do feel a teeny bit like a popped balloon.  But mostly I feel very satisfied that we did our best, that people had fun, and that Lily and Nat have begun their marriage, the reason for everything we did.  The Godly man I prayed for every communion Sunday for my sweet Lily, is Nathaniel, and I can't wait to see what love and life brings them.

  Praise be to God!

Mother of the Bride Impressions -- Part ONE

 Before the big day

This is the sidewalk Lily rode her tricycle on when she was six years old.

These are the lily of the valley that have been growing there next to that air conditioner (and all over this 122 year-old yard) for decades before she arrived on this earth.  I picked some tonight.  I'm taking them to use in her bridal bouquet.  A little piece of home, lilies for Lily from the home she grew up in and played hard, fell and skinned her knee bad enough that her little seven year old voice screeched 'if its bone just kill me now dad'.

One minute, riding the purple tricycle.  Moments later braces, then college. Next minute going down the aisle with her dad.  Just like all the sappy songs, it is true.

So, Mother of the bride.  It was so much easier than I'd dreamed in the planning stages.   Actually I'm typing this five days before the wedding, but motherofthebriding begins from the moment of the engagement.  All kinds of fun.  Exciting roller coaster with well-wishes, dress shopping, my dress shopping, venues, meals, cakes, and much much more as any good pinterest board labeled 'someday' will tell you.  I was lucky enough to have a daughter-bride who was efficient, knew what she wanted, and frugal to boot.  My motto for five months has been 'The bride gets to decide.' and I've tried to live by it, and not explain how much better plum would look or daisies or chocolate cake.... I've mostly succeeded at this.  My tongue may be bleeding a bit.

With five days to go it feels like it is finally here.  Finally time to pack the bags, drive the miles, buy the flowers, cut the strawberries.  Hands-on time!  I've been looking forward to this part.  It won't be easy, but it will be memorable.

But like graduations, weddings it turns out, for me are about seeing that little girl again.  All grown up.  Or not? Maybe in dress-up clothes with the high heels and the beads.  Moved out of the house 8 years ago?  Or still cartwheeling across the front yard?  Still holding the perennial lemonade stand.  Still dancing a jig with her sisters to some cheetah girls tune, making a snowman, or directing her sisters in pretend commercials?  Still smelling like chlorine from her years on the swim team.

But it isn't any of those things, they happened yesterday, and now we're thinking about tomorrow.  When she starts a life with a great guy, one God planned for her and she for him.  The future is a big blank whiteboard just waiting to be written on, and the past is a million little memories and right now, we are in the few days between those points.  The tipping point.  The time in-between.