My New/Old Writing Nook

I'm sitting in what used to be my son's room.  Eight years ago when he went off to college it was going to be our "ILLINI" room where the guys watched sports and we had a second television.  Then as things do they change.  It has been a dumping ground, back to being my son's room, a guest room, an art studio, back to being a dumping ground, and as of a few moments ago, it is my writing nook.  I thought I'd share some pictures of how clean and empty it looks, on its first day of life, as I'm sure it won't stay this way.

So, here is my new writing nook.  As you can imagine, I will spend just as much time writing on the bed as at the desk.

 

 

Here is my 'new' desk that my husband Chuck found for me at an estate sale.  It was exactly what I'd been looking for for a long time.  Simple. Sturdy. Not sure how old.

 

Here is my view, sitting in my chair, with the tree in the window and a nice breeze coming in.  The name plate I got in 1984 at my first job out of college.  So it is...old. 

For any of you writers, these are some of my most re-read, most practical writing advice books.  I recommend them....

 

Some whimsy.  An old victrola cabinet that 'came with the house' full of scrap books. And a new 'writing muse', a gift.

And the all important chocolate.  Who can write without chocolate?  On this special occasion, I got a pack of Peanut Butter M&Ms.  My sister would understand.

 

 

And, this, my first writing at the new desk.  If only every writing day were so pleasant, right?  No re-editing bad scenes.  No scratching your head at what you were thinking when you wrote that.  Of course, decorating a writing room isn't the same as actually writing.  A fact that isn't lost on me.  But for today, I'm going to just savor the flavor of new beginnings. 

 

Office Hours

With a new year comes fresh energy to launch my writing personality once again.  My first step is to commit to defined Office Hours for myself.  Starting today, they are:

Saturdays 9:00 am to Noon

(Every Other) Sunday Noon to 3:00 pm

A re-beginning. I'm writing on the guest bed in my son's old room. If I get a two chapters done by February, I will allow myself to buy a desk, but so far, the bed feels just fine.  Onward, pen. 

Toni Re-read this Regularly

So I started writing again today.  And by writing, I don't mean that I ordered three books about writing that looked delicious from Amazon (although I did that too).  I don't mean that I posted humorously on facebook (did) or that I'm writing a blog post here.  Although you can tell that to get my writing engines running I have to do a darn lot of babysitting of my ego and self-persuasion.

But no, I mean I started a new story today.  I woke up and grabbed my laptop (yes I sleep with it under my bed) and started writing an idea for a story that has been brewing for some months.  I don't know why today is any different than any other Saturday morning.  But everyone was asleep, I have no plans whatsoever for the day (uh oh, that won't repeat itself), I'm healthy, I've been in the 'new year try again' mode for 19 or so days, and so I started writing.

Yay for me!

Now, it is a good time to make some promises to myself about the new story, fragile new attempt, and to reread these thoughts every time my thread breaks. Notes to self...

1. Examine the long gaps in your blog posts at least once per month.  Time flies whether you write or not.

2. Start writing your dreams when you wake up right next to your prayers before you fall asleep.

3. Practice being better at keeping secrets. I find in the telling and explaining to others I lose my energy for characters and a story.  Every time you are tempted to blurt out "I'm writing again!" instead blurt out "I love chocolate chip cookie. Don't you?"

4. Read the damn books that you order about writing.  Read at least one a month.  OK, read at least one per quarter.  There, an ATTAINABLE goal, measureable, and not painful in the least.

5. Stop the critical voices in your head the minute they start.  The ones that say things like, "Why are you obsessing about that character's first name instead of plotting?  You know that isn't something REAL writers do.  You must not be a real writer."  Instead tell yourself "I love Chocolate Chip cookies!" and smile.  Or, just stop.

6. Avoid the over-used elipses...

Whew, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a book contract out of those six on how to motivate yourself to write.  Let's see, if I get the book contract, and then they interview me, I better have an answer to the question, "So where do you get your ideas?"

Oh yeah,  and

7. Repeat after me, or rethink after me, "Why do you write Toni? "  " Because I love to."  "Why?"  "Because I love to."  "WHY?"  "Because I l - o - v - e to write."

Courage: Part One

I found a Borders Gift Card in my top dresser drawer last week and, considering their sad situation, I decided I'd better go use it immediately to good purpose. While browsing the shrinking inventory I found a book on writing that is worthy of mention here. It is called "The Courage to Write" by Ralph Keyes. Subtitle, "How Writers Transcend Fear".

First I must admit I am only on page 42. Only about one fourth in. Somehow I can finish any fiction book in 24 hours (who needs sleep?) but with non-fiction it is a slower journey for me.

I have found this book affirming. Many of the pages and examples are from and about published authors. What? To think this anxiety, this feeling of extreme vulnerability that comes from presenting a few sentences for anyone else to read, is universal? And that it won't go away when the agent, editor, and public finally discover my work?

Ok, in some ways it is a hard little lesson too. Much easier to envision all my problems will be solved by (trumpets sound effect)...publication. All fears washed away. To instead read over and over again that this isn't true, that authors continue to feel nauseous levels of self-doubt almost every day, even on their twelfth novel. Even if they sell well.

But I feel both enlightened, and lightened. As if a truth has been revealed. And as if the burden of "pretending to be a real writer" were lifted -- they are all pretending. We are all pretending.  

I will continue to batter my way through job woes, back-to-school time crunch, moving one daughter into college and hopefully share further on this book. And on courage in general. Where to find it. How to keep it from drifting away.

Blessings,
Toni

Progress towards goals, this week:
     Finished "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion
     Read "Between the Tides" by Patti Callahan Henry
     Movies I saw: "The Help" (give it a solid 'A') and "True Grit"

Planned Denial

Things I have done this week to encourage the seed of the desire to start writing again I discovered last week:

• Started following the blog "Writer Unboxed" http://writerunboxed.com/
• Started following the blog "Writing with Style"  http://grosvenorsquare.blogspot.com/
• Started taking notes on characters and setting for my next novel
• Started purposely daydreaming in my daily commute, picturing myself writing. Picturing myself revising. Picturing myself happily writing without any dread of outcomes.
• Finished reading two novels, "Solomon's Oak" by Jo-Ann Mapson and "Life is Short but Wide" by J. California Cooper.

I'm purposely focusing on the pleasant parts of writing.  I know reality will eventually set in. But my little seed of desire could easily blow away in the wind, so for these early weeks, I'm allowing myself to just enjoy things. Kind of like the joy of pushing your cart through miles of perenials and annuals at the greenhouse in May. Imagining the beauty to come in your own front yard, ignoring the invasive weeds, whining mosquitos and the occasional dead bird you encounter in actually gardening.

I'm denying any possibility of the insecurity felt while you allow someone to read your work, the doom of knowing everything you have written is horrible, and the frustration at your beautiful thoughts coming out on the page in a tangled mess.

I still feel my seed is in the seed packet and not even planted let alone watered, so for now I'm going to stick to strictly non-reality shows in my mind. Here's to living in denial -- at least for a while.

Blessings,
Toni

Failure is Just a Label

"Failure is just a label we place on events." A quote from this morning's sermon. And it fits in nicely with all the parts of the universe that are clicking into place again for the re-birth of my writing life.

When I say 're-birth' I'm not talking about a rip-smacking new 10 pound baby boy. I'm talking more like a firefly. Small and persistently trying to shine a light over my few blades of grass in the world.

I have some seriously different goals. I am approaching writing this time as an avocation. Something I love to do and that I want to spend time doing. It is not a new 'career'. I do not ever expect to quit my day job to write full-time. Well, I guess I expect it with about as much likelihood as winning the Illinois Lottery.

I'm resuming writing as a practice that brings me fulfillment, microcosms of sanity, and a fresh perspective on many things that happen in life.

As such I'm changing the title and subtitle of this blog. While getting a novel published is definitely still one of my long-term goals, I choose to move my emphasis from 'becoming a writer' to 'writing'.

Thus, a new look, a new title. It is back-to-school season which makes us all yearn for unmarred green spiral notebooks and bic pens that slide across those pages. Fall is always my time to turn over a new leaf, and so here I am, again. See that leaf turning? I can feel it.

In joy --
Toni

Two Years, Eight Months, Five Days since my last post...

I took a long vacation from writing. I guess the agony of defeat for me, resulted in a lack of desire to prolong the pain.

What have I been up to in the last almost three years? Well, writing-wise, virtually nothing. I have continued to occasionally read 'The Writer' when I am at the library, secretly, and usually finish it thinking, 'Nah, not ready yet.' I've written many emails. I went back to full-time employment (i.e. the day job) about 18 months ago and have been processing that in combination with life with four children, a husband, a house, a dog. The flow of that process is a convoluted, chaotic, complicated curve-ball of a life -- at least it isn't dull.

But like a slowing healing fracture, I've been gradually placing more weight on my broken writing bone. I babied it, I pitied it, I fiercely protected it from any possible exposure. But over time, I have come to terms. I'm sad that it took me this long to feel ready. Ready to write again. But I am.

I want to give credit to my latest two inspirations in this area:
1) Making A Literary Life: Advice for Writers and Other Dreamers by Carolyn See, which is a clean-cut, straightforward, dig into it now bit of inspiration. Not cluged up with details, just meat and potatoes for someone who is 'ready' now. (www.carolynsee.com)
2) Plotting for Beginners: A novel for new beginnings by Sue Hepworth and Jane Linfoot, which is making me grin now, just recalling it. A novel about a writer trying to break into publishing. Full of insecurities and silly mistakes all us beginning writers can identify with(www.suehepworth.com)

I don't know how often my life will allow a post, but for now, I'm doing my 1000 words a day (thank you carolyn) as often as I possibly can, and loving it. A new story is brewing -- refreshing. Stay tuned for the next installment of 'Life doesn't end with Rejection #104'.

Blessings,
Toni