Part 3 & 4 -- Completely judgment-free zones

Goodwill.  You don't have to dress up.  It is cathartic because like a garage sale you can spend very little or nothing and still feel entertained.  Unlike a garage sale, it is air-conditioned, has bathrooms and everything in one stop.

Goodwill is a good-familiar, and out of town today, guaranteed anonymous. No one knows I'm here.  No one is waiting on me in there to return a call, answer an email, or fix a problem.

I can move slowly or quickly.  I can feel my tension easing, like a good meditation.  Used books.  Forks.  Crazy outfits. Restful to me.  Today I find a book called "Seeds" by Thomas Merton.  Lots of sticky notes, tabs, highlighted passages. Someone has done all the work for me.  Inside front cover a jotted note to look at page 115.  Where I find "Our vocation....Work with God in creating our own lives, our own identity, our own destiny."  Not subtle, God.

Books. Bookstores. The beauty of.
No one tries to make eye contact in a bookstore.  People casually browse knowing the protocol.  Bookstores are not for chit chat.  Not for phone calls.  Not for laughter.  Bookstore-lovers follow these unwritten rules.  I am pleased.  I feel safe in bookstores.  No judgment. Obviously bookstores have a thousand facets to their wonderfulness, but for today, I'm just claiming the white-noise-like quality that soothes the brain.

And, they contain, b o o k s.  That is all.

Places I go to get away from myself (A four-part series)

Part One -- Why?

Don't you ever get tired of yourself?  You want to take a vacation and leave 'her' behind for a bit?  A few hours, a few days.  It isn't like I wouldn't come back, I just want to get away from me.
I want to get away from over-thinking, under-thinking, and just-right thinking.  Away from the reflective substance on the lining of my brain that keeps the same thoughts bouncing around, back and forth over and over, like a pinball that hits a bonus ring.
Ping.  Ping.  Ping.    Ping ping ping pa-ping.

I want to get away from my own sighs, my breathing, my skin, my eyes,.  I want to see the world from a fresh new perspective of someone else's skin. It is the opposite of "Cheers".  I want to go where "not anybody knows my name."  Oblivion? No. Anonymity is a better word.  No one knows me.  I'm just me.  I can be anyone.

Sometimes I want to get away from my goals, my fatigue, my boring bad habits, my lack of resolve.  I spend a lot of time letting life happen.  Flow.  Chill.  No worries. No aim. No fire.  Too much fire.
I also get stressed out and overcome.  How can I be bored and overwhelmed in the same mind, body and soul? How do I get away from myself?

Writer on Saturday. A Still Life.

The last good day of writing I had was when I was out of town in December--at a writing workshop.  In an effort to recreate that day of  end-to-end productivity I copied it: 1) I walked to the library.     2) There is no '2'.  I walked to the library.

Walking means I have no car, so no easy escape.  No, 'I have a headache I think I'll go to Hobby Lobby and roam the Valentines aisle'.  No 'let me just get a Big Mac and come back and write.'

Walking also meant no laptop today.  I had to use pen and paper, just like in December. This is an interesting exercise and I'm trying to decide if I like it or not.  Since I'm an IT person by day I spend 8-10 hours on a computer Monday through Friday.  I think using a different medium might be a good trick for me.

"...to the library" means I'm surrounded by quiet, books, clean, and calm, I have one of those four things at home (and you know I have books).  Plus, I have distractions in the house I live in.  I'm so proud of my writing room at home, but I rarely get there.  I get sidetracked by things in the hallway upstairs, or by the timer on the dryer, the dog needing to play fetch or by the comfy recliner up there in our extra TV room, and a rerun of...anything.  I'm easily distracted.  The library had very few distractions.  My hometown library has been recently redesigned, and is beautiful now, although I've always been partial to it.  I was able to snag a shiny new private cubbie, with a table and a door that shuts.

I also brought my notes from December along with some amazing inspirational quotes my teacher shared that day, and it was an auspicious start to three hours of writing.  Another chapter done, an outline begun, some backstory figured out.  And, if I hadn't seen an Ivan Doig book there in the resale room it would have been free.  And did I mention the silence??

Silence.  Heavy, encompassing, thick, lovely silence.  It isn't easy to find.  I couldn't hear anyone on their phone, I couldn't hear doors slam or jewelry commercials or dogs barking.  I couldn't even hear computer mice clicking away, which they were doing fifty feet from me, but silently.

And writing got done.

I'll end with one of the quotes from my stockpile of encouragement:

              I want to live other lives.  I've never quite believed that one chance is all I get.  Writing is my          way of making other chances.  
                                                       --Anne Tyler

Not saying it all

     I have trouble not saying it all, all at the same time.  I want to share every opinion and every feeling and every thought.  So I've been frustrated that I've been too busy to share the rest of my testimony about my days of solitude in Otterbein.  About what else I learned and did and felt.  But instead life has intervened with back to school, business trips, and minutiae. My memory is fading.  However, that is ok.  I have lots of notes.  Maybe part of it will end up in a short story, or a letter or a chapter of a novel.  It doesn't have to all go here, and I'm not sure any writer ever feels they have truly expressed what they are trying to express.  But, I want to share a few more of the 100+ photos I took, partly to share with you, and partly so I can look back at them this winter when I'm feeling the need for some light on a dark day.

Hard at Work

Flora

Color of Brush



View from Hammock

 

God is in the details

Every spot has history

Nostalgia

Light