Planned Denial

Things I have done this week to encourage the seed of the desire to start writing again I discovered last week:

• Started following the blog "Writer Unboxed" http://writerunboxed.com/
• Started following the blog "Writing with Style"  http://grosvenorsquare.blogspot.com/
• Started taking notes on characters and setting for my next novel
• Started purposely daydreaming in my daily commute, picturing myself writing. Picturing myself revising. Picturing myself happily writing without any dread of outcomes.
• Finished reading two novels, "Solomon's Oak" by Jo-Ann Mapson and "Life is Short but Wide" by J. California Cooper.

I'm purposely focusing on the pleasant parts of writing.  I know reality will eventually set in. But my little seed of desire could easily blow away in the wind, so for these early weeks, I'm allowing myself to just enjoy things. Kind of like the joy of pushing your cart through miles of perenials and annuals at the greenhouse in May. Imagining the beauty to come in your own front yard, ignoring the invasive weeds, whining mosquitos and the occasional dead bird you encounter in actually gardening.

I'm denying any possibility of the insecurity felt while you allow someone to read your work, the doom of knowing everything you have written is horrible, and the frustration at your beautiful thoughts coming out on the page in a tangled mess.

I still feel my seed is in the seed packet and not even planted let alone watered, so for now I'm going to stick to strictly non-reality shows in my mind. Here's to living in denial -- at least for a while.

Blessings,
Toni

Failure is Just a Label

"Failure is just a label we place on events." A quote from this morning's sermon. And it fits in nicely with all the parts of the universe that are clicking into place again for the re-birth of my writing life.

When I say 're-birth' I'm not talking about a rip-smacking new 10 pound baby boy. I'm talking more like a firefly. Small and persistently trying to shine a light over my few blades of grass in the world.

I have some seriously different goals. I am approaching writing this time as an avocation. Something I love to do and that I want to spend time doing. It is not a new 'career'. I do not ever expect to quit my day job to write full-time. Well, I guess I expect it with about as much likelihood as winning the Illinois Lottery.

I'm resuming writing as a practice that brings me fulfillment, microcosms of sanity, and a fresh perspective on many things that happen in life.

As such I'm changing the title and subtitle of this blog. While getting a novel published is definitely still one of my long-term goals, I choose to move my emphasis from 'becoming a writer' to 'writing'.

Thus, a new look, a new title. It is back-to-school season which makes us all yearn for unmarred green spiral notebooks and bic pens that slide across those pages. Fall is always my time to turn over a new leaf, and so here I am, again. See that leaf turning? I can feel it.

In joy --
Toni

Two Years, Eight Months, Five Days since my last post...

I took a long vacation from writing. I guess the agony of defeat for me, resulted in a lack of desire to prolong the pain.

What have I been up to in the last almost three years? Well, writing-wise, virtually nothing. I have continued to occasionally read 'The Writer' when I am at the library, secretly, and usually finish it thinking, 'Nah, not ready yet.' I've written many emails. I went back to full-time employment (i.e. the day job) about 18 months ago and have been processing that in combination with life with four children, a husband, a house, a dog. The flow of that process is a convoluted, chaotic, complicated curve-ball of a life -- at least it isn't dull.

But like a slowing healing fracture, I've been gradually placing more weight on my broken writing bone. I babied it, I pitied it, I fiercely protected it from any possible exposure. But over time, I have come to terms. I'm sad that it took me this long to feel ready. Ready to write again. But I am.

I want to give credit to my latest two inspirations in this area:
1) Making A Literary Life: Advice for Writers and Other Dreamers by Carolyn See, which is a clean-cut, straightforward, dig into it now bit of inspiration. Not cluged up with details, just meat and potatoes for someone who is 'ready' now. (www.carolynsee.com)
2) Plotting for Beginners: A novel for new beginnings by Sue Hepworth and Jane Linfoot, which is making me grin now, just recalling it. A novel about a writer trying to break into publishing. Full of insecurities and silly mistakes all us beginning writers can identify with(www.suehepworth.com)

I don't know how often my life will allow a post, but for now, I'm doing my 1000 words a day (thank you carolyn) as often as I possibly can, and loving it. A new story is brewing -- refreshing. Stay tuned for the next installment of 'Life doesn't end with Rejection #104'.

Blessings,
Toni